Como hacer miserable a Keith
by IzWrites
Summary: Lance fucks up. Big time. Drags everyone in it and Keith suffers the consequences. (Hunk is Lance's fake boyfriend, Keith is Lance's secret boyfriend. Hilarity ensues). fake dating/secret dating!AU.
1. Chapter 1

This is posted on ao3 (and I'm already up chap five there) but I wanted to post it here too. I'll be updating the rest of the chaps this week -and I'm going to update there soon- untill we caught with them, lol.

The title means: How to make Keith miserable. It was the fic's joke name in the draft, but I left it because this fic is for a friend and she liked the joke. xD

* * *

 **Como hacer miserable a Keith.**

* * *

Lance knew he had to be more honest with his parents when they asked how he was doing with his life. He was very aware of that, thank you very much, Shiro didn't had to act like a dad for him to know that, he knew lying to them was not ok. On the other hand, it was the only way to make them feel more calm about him. He was a big man now and he didn't want his parents to take care of him forever. Telling them "everything is ok, my boss isn't a jerk and I'm living _the life_ " was a good way to make them feel proud and at ease with him living in the city. And made them not so worried about him. He was always a troublemaker and his parents knew it.

Dealing with them that way was better for the moment. No, _easier_. His mother was the kind of woman who was bossy and wanted to help him all the time, and while that was a good thing, he felt overwhelmed with her caring sometimes. If she asked how everything was going, on any regard, he couldn't help but tell her "Everything is alright! I'm killing it there". And that was what he did at his mother sudden call.

"Hey, nene… how are you doing… romantically? is everything ok? because some… something is telling me you're not doing that great. Mother instinct."

Even if he was weirded out by that wording, he answered "yeah I'm dating this really cute guy" without thinking too much. He thought her mother was going to leave it like this and in a few months he could tell her "yeah we broke up, how bad".

He wasn't that lucky.

It wasn't that he couldn't get someone… It was just… for some reason he was failing miserably at romance lately, all his dates were ruined by mysterious reasons, but even if they weren't, he just didn't feel chemistry with anyone. Maybe he was starting to get... _expectatives_? He trembled at that thought. Was he ready for commitment? _No way._

When he was a teen it was weird when he didn't had a girl around him, but now the mere thought of being with a person just for sex was tiresome.

For that reason, when his father called to drop him the bomb like two weeks after that weird talk with his mother, he almost died. He ended that call with fear in his eyes, and stared at the phone, reconsidering his life choices. _My parents are coming to visit. Today. They want to met my boyfriend. My imaginary boyfriend that doesn't exist,_ he thought, and he started to eat his nails.

Damn his dad for never letting him know things on time, he knew his mom probably told his dad like a week ago to let him know but no, he always had to leave everything for the last minute.

Well, at least they didn't plan to bring the teens with them. They probably didn't want to get out of the town because they were busy defeating all the kids of the neighborhood in pokémon go. Besides they were in that ugly teen edgy phase. Lance shivered.

He still had the "no boyfriend" problem. He could tell his parents the truth… or tell them he broke up with his boyfriend… But that would only bring scolding of his mother side.

So asking one of his friends to do him the favor it was!

* * *

At this time of the day a Saturday, they were usually all hovering at Hunk and Lance's place. They had been roommates for some time already, since it was easier to split the rent bill; and Pidge and Keith practically lived there, using their places just to sleep.

Pidge most of the time stayed there _to sleep_ because Hunk had a weak spot for her, and Lance complained because they didn't had an extra bed for her. The place only had two bedrooms plus the living room/kitchen, and the bathroom, so it was small, but overall comfortable. They haven't bother to paint the tasteless brown and white walls even though both despised them. They covered them with CDs and book shelves.

Lance considered Allura and Shiro, his neighbors, his closest friends, even if they were older and they were pretty much on their own worlds; both laughing at them for their awful attempts at adulting. They were this perfect domestic couple that helped Lance and Hunk in everything they needed, because they were that awesome and gentle.

Shiro and Allura would think Lance's idea was a bad idea.

Good thing they were visiting Allura's uncle.

When he came out of his room, there was only Hunk and Pidge in the living room, the last one entranced in her laptop, dressed in black shorts with a green sweatshirt. Hunk was wearing pants, but Lance could bet he was just too lazy to undress after going to shop something.

He instead was wearing brown cotton shorts and a purple tank top, and he's starting to wonder when did they got so close they didn't even care how they looked. Keith also had the custom to be around the place in just boxers and a shirt, much to Pidge and Hunk's dismay.

Lance was… oddly fine with it. Keith was a pain in the ass and a conceited jerk, but he had a pretty tight body. Lance could admit his friend was hot as hell, that wasn't weird or anything, right?

Speaking of Keith, it was weird that he wasn't around, but it was a good thing in that case, he could just ask Hunk and not to choose between his friends. Honest to god, choosing which friend is going to be your fake boyfriend is so, so _gay_. Shaking his head to himself, he placed in front of a Hunk playing an old tomb raider game in a play-station.

"Hunk… my pal… my friend… my man..." he held his hands in a prayer "could you please do me a favor? A big one? I will own you everything."

Hunk was unaware of Lance mischievous looks, and with a smile on his lips he answered:

"Sure dude, what do you need?"

"Hunk are you sure you're gonna accept just like that… it's Lance after all."

"Shut up Pidge! Anyway I need your help man… I need you to be my boyfriend," he said, with puppy eyes.

Suddenly, Lara Croft, who was doing a pirouette in the middle of the air, landed on her face and died. Hunk saw how the game threw him to the last saved point, but he put away the control at looked at Lance with terrified eyes.

"Told you he's crazy."

Lance rolled his eyes at Pidge's words, really, he was a perfectly capable adult. He was not crazy, he was just very very Lance.

"What?!"

"Oh… I'm sorry! I didn't mean for real man! No that's nut! And I would be far more romantic if I had those intentions with you," Lance purred, wiggling his eyebrows.

Both Hunk and Pidge said "yikes."

"Anyway… I want you to be my fake boyfriend to ease my parents. They're sweet, but they kept me asking if I had a partner and I told them "sure, a boyfriend!" but now they come to visit in like, three hours, and I don't have one so… are you in? Just for today!"

Lance smiled, his teeth sparkling.

Hunk sighed, and looked over his shoulder at Pidge. She raised an eyebrow and told him:

"If you're saying yes, do it for something good."

"Sure man, I'm in, but before you start dancing around" Lance stopped his dancing "Pidge is right… I will do it only if you go with me to the Coldplay concert."

"But I don't even like Coldplay that much."

"You don't understand."

"Ugh, ok, I get it. You always say we don't bond, which is something you stole from Shiro by the way. What's up with bonding? Shiro _and_ Allura _and_ Keith are obsessed with that but... I'm in, count with me."

Hunk smiled and Pidge grunted.

"Dude… you have in your power to do whatever you want with Lance! Turn him into your bitch! Make him clean all the apartment! Make him to do all your chores! Choose better Hunk, choose better."

"Now I can do that for myself… I just want to go to a concert with my best friend and now he has to accept," he said smiling shyly.

Sure, now Lance was feeling like shit. He didn't deserve Hunk, he was too good, too pure for this world, which was something Pidge thought too.

"... You DON'T deserve Hunk as a friend, Lance".

"I know…" And with a stupidly warm smile in his face he looked at Hunk and said "You're too cool, man."

"Yeah, yeah, don't sweat it. It's not a big deal is it, what could possibly go wrong?"

Lance sat with him and Hunk turned his game off, so they could plan the operation thoroughly.

* * *

"That Lance and Hunk are doing what?"

Keith dropped the tools he was using to work on his motorcycle, and grabbed the phone he had pressed against his shoulder with his hand, tightly, the leather of his fingerless gloves making a sound against the plastic of his cell phone case. He waited for Pidge to repeat what she just said. She had to be kidding. Lance wasn't _that_ _much of an_ idiot.

"They're going to pretend they're dating so that Lance's parents stop nagging him about getting a partner… or something like that. Anyway, they're here trying to see how comfortable they're with each other and is very perturbing. Seeing them holding hands is weird. Want to see a movie or something? Where are you by the way?"

He stood up quickly, ended the call without answering, put on his red jacket, put away the tools, got himself up in his bike, and drove to Hunk and Lance's apartment like a madman.

He almost ran over an old lady and a dog. It was nasty.

* * *

"So… kisses too?"

Hunk decided they have to sort the relationship details, something Lance didn't want to do. "If we're gonna trick your parents, we're gonna do it right, Lance, now calm down and let's settle this" he said and Lance had to agree.

After a while they got used to it, Lance was actually focused, and Pidge stopped working on her laptop because she was low-key addicted to drama and she wanted to see how this was going to burst in their faces; and since Keith didn't want to go to the cinema with her, she sat in the floor in front of them with a plate full of popcorn. You know, the usual.

They decided they had two months dating, it all happened suddenly for spending so much time together; and Lance calling Hunk "baby" wasn't as awkward as it was when they started the conversation.

Discussing about the touchy part was ok. Hunk and Lance had been friends for a while and they were pretty comfortable with touching each other, so handholding wasn't really a problem. But Lance said he always kissed his partners in front of his parents and that they didn't had a problem with that, so it was going to be weird if they didn't kiss.

"Unless you really don't want to, of course. I don't want to force you, you're doing enough for me, man. If they ask, we can tell them you're shy."

"C'mon… is just a kiss, you guys should try it."

Both looked at Pidge with big eyes, because they weren't expecting that of her.

"What? I like to be entertained. You guys are being disgusting, and if you're gonna be disgusting, why aren't you disgusting up to eleven, right?"

"I think you're just into yaoi too much."

"Like if you weren't into yaoi. Shut up Lance."

Hunk laughed, while Lance and Pidge glared at each other. Lance had a pout on his mouth that was oddly cute, and Pidge looked cute at every way, so they looked quite endearing fighting like that. Hunk really had a soft spot for all of them. And smiling he replied:

"Ah, sure… it's ok. I mean, it's just a kiss. We could try one now."

They both turned to stare at each other's eyes, trying to prepare for the kiss, and suddenly they burst in laughter.

"You're looking me funny," Hunk said, while covering his face with his hands. Pidge ate more popcorn. "This is embarrassing. You know what. I'm dead now. Not doing this. Take me out of here."

"Ah c'mon dude… just a kiss, and if it is too awful then we drop it, ok?"

Lance grabbed Hunk by the shoulders and kissed him. It was… warm, they both thought. It was also comfortable, on Lance's case, since Hunk had pretty soft lips. It didn't feel particularly romantic, and there wasn't any usual butterfly in their stomachs. It felt intimate, but it wasn't that different that kissing each other on the cheek. They both relaxed and softened their furrowed eyebrows.

Keith entered the house with fire in his eyes. At the scene before him, his right eye twitched, and he had to breath slowly to calm down his wishes to murder everyone in the room. Hunk and Lance didn't tell because they were busy trying to decide if they should call it done or keep trying, and Pidge was too focused on the scene, so when Keith stood right next to her with his arms crossed and coughing loudly, it took everyone with surprise.

"Dude, what the fuck? You scared me," Lance said, glancing at him. Keith looked… angry, very angry, which for some reason made him swallow hard and pray for Diosito to save him.

"Why are you like this Lance? This is not ok." Keith growled while getting close to Lance, uncrossing his arms and clenching his fists.

"Man, if you're worried about me I…"

"It's ok, Hunk. I am worried about you but I know you're a responsible guy… It's him the one I can't stand!"

"Why does it matters anyway!" Lance said, standing up to counter Keith "Pidge, why you told him?"

"I was bored and I like this type of drama."

Both were a true part of her soul but she only told Keith because she wanted to get out of this… which was hilarious in context. She bite her right inner cheek, she usually didn't care about Lance and Keith's fights, but if it were them fighting about their obvious crush on each other (that everyone could tell they had but themselves) she was actually quite amused.

Hunk now realized that Pidge was right, dealing with Lance _and_ Keith in this godforsaken plan was worth of something more than bonding time with Lance. Being between them was going to be a mess. Right now it was a mess.

They were fighting right in front of him and it was very awkward, he didn't know if he should move up and let them be, or if he should do something to calm them down. Pidge didn't precisely help, her smile was a very pleased one and she looked like this was the best thing to happen her in the week. Hunk couldn't really bring himself to think something malicious of his friends, but he kind of wanted for Pidge to chill the fuck off.

"I can't believe you're that shallow! Why don't you just tell your parents the truth?!" Keith shouted, poking Lance in the chest.

"Because I don't want, alright! It would be a mess! And I can do whatever I want!" Lance said, placing his hands on his hips.

"This is a bad idea! You shouldn't do this… you shouldn't... _kiss Hunk_ … that's not… that's not ok…"

"And why isn't that ok? I can kiss whoever I want!"

At this point they were almost breathing in each other lips, snarling at each other closely. Hunk and Pidge exchanged a knowing look and returned their eyes to the boys quickly. Pidge ate more popcorn.

 _This is going to an interesting place, finally._ Was the thought running in her mind when the doorbell interrupted the fight, along with a woman screaming "Lance! Are you there?"

Said boy swallowed hard, hiding his face in his hands and muttered "My parents are here."

Several soundless seconds passed before hearing the doorbell again, and Lance sighed.

"We have to play it cool. Mmmm… Pidge… you can be yourself. More or less. Keith, don't be yourself. Hunk… is it weird if we both go to greet them? too formal right? that would be out of character for me. Yeah I wouldn't do that, I would just introduce you casually, or you think that I should-"

"Go answer the door!" The three screamed, and Lance went running to the door, sighing loudly. This was going to be wild.

He opened the door to find his parents, observing at their surroundings with interest. It was the first time they visited him so they were obviously curious.

His mother was a light skinned woman with brown wavy hair, she was chubby and a bit smaller than him. His father had a swarthy skin, a full beard, and was a bit taller than him. Honestly? In Lance's eyes they were looking better than ever. He spoke a lot of crap about his parents when he was mad, but when everything was said and done, Lance was a family man. Being away of his family was an everyday struggle, and seeing them made his veins pump love and warmth through his body.

"¡Má! ¡Pá! You guys are here!"

His eyes got teary and he hugged his mom intently, a big bear hug. He did the same with his dad, and then the three hugged together.

"I'm happy to see you! Though Dad let me know you were coming _today_."

"Chismoso."

"Robert! I told you like a week ago to tell Lance we were coming… Ah, you know how he is darling, forgive us." She always apologized for both, which made Lance's mind fill with memories. He shrugged and said:

"Yeah… anyway, I think you guys never came to the apartment before right? Suit yourselves!"

"Of course, if you didn't invite us before…" Lance's mom said and everyone but Lance laughed under their breath. Lance looked at her mom with a pout and she laughed.

"Sorry for that. Anyway, this are my friends. That one over there is Pidge." She stood up and shaked hands with them, they both smiled at her, interchanging a "nice to meet you."

"That one over there that looks like the protagonist of a bad 80s' porno is Keith." The parents laughed at that, though Lance's mother had some scolding on her eyes, and they both waved at Keith, who waved his hand back and turned around, crossing arms, not wanting to be part of that.

They looked at each other with concern, what was wrong with him?

"And that one is Hunk… he's my boyfriend and my roommate, you know about Hunk, right?"

"Oh, you're dating Hunk!" Both of them looked at each other and breathed a sigh of relief.

"We were so worried about who you were dating, since you were so mysterious about it! But this is actually really nice, you've told us he's a wonderful man."

Now this was a weird experience, Lance thought. Their parents almost never agreed on his couple options.

Well, his dad still was looking cautiously at Hunk, but Lance knew he meant no harm, is just that his dad well… he gave him his blessing at the same way many… traditional parents give their blessing to bisexual kids, "Please let him settle down with a girl, please let him settle down with a girl in the end". But it was ok, his dad was not an asshole and he did look a bit happy while watching Hunk. It was truth that out of all his friends, he usually spoke more about Hunk, since they spend more time together. He was now happy with his decision, Hunk was the best option. Could you imagine what would have happened if he had chosen Keith to be his fake boyfriend?

He thought it was funny… but for some reason he felt a shiver go down his spine at the idea of hugging and holding hands and kissing Keith... He didn't analyze those feelings thoroughly.

"I'm happy you think that Ma'am" Hunk said, flustered. Lance's mom hugged him and his dad shaked hands vigorously with him, both smiling deeply.

It was in that moment when Keith left the house, slamming the door loudly on his way out.

"¿Y a este que le pasa?*" Lance's dad said a bit offended. "How rude…"

"Yeah, he's like that sometimes. Maybe he had something to do. Anyway!" Lance tried to redirect the attention to him. "Yes, he's my boyfriend… I told you guys I had a boyfriend. And finally a good one, am I right?"

He grabbed Hunk's hand, and Hunk suddenly felt drops of sweat in his forehead. Lance's parents looked pretty happy, and they started to make all kind of questions while Lance pointed them the couch so they could sit. This was going to be weird. Mentally sighing, he remembered he was doing this for Lance. It couldn't be that bad.

"So do you two sleep in the same room?"

"Mercedes!"

"I'm just asking because I want to spend the night. And honestly mijo, staying in a hotel is expensive. If we could use your room to sleep…"

"Yeah sure! We're… totally sleeping together!"

Lance's dad made a weird grin, but the mom looked quite happy. Lance told them he was going to bring them some coffee, and he dragged Hunk with him.

Pidge smiled at them awkwardly, she had no idea what to do, and both for them were looking at her with that face friends' parents make when they are about to ask everything about your life. _This is bad,_ she thought.

* * *

Lance was making the coffee mindlessly, and they started to speak lowly, since the kitchen was in the same room than the living room.

"You didn't tell me they were staying!" Hunk whispered with concern.

"I didn't know ok! Mom just... does that sometimes" He shrugged, but then he smiled "And in her mind, we have an empty room."

"I thought this was going to be for some hours, Lance!" Hunk said placing his hands in the table.

"It is!"

"Lance…"

"Ok, they're saying they will stay for the night. The night . They will probably go away tomorrow. I'm pretty sure they left my little siblings with my big sister and she's… quite temperamental. Comes with being a lawyer."

"But are you sure they're not staying more time? Honestly Lance, I'm ok with sleeping with you but-"

"No homo tho."

"You know what, I will tell them true, wait me here."

"C'mon Hunk! I will sleep in the floor if you want. Just… let's keep it cool. I know we can."

"It's about 5:00 pm. I don't think I will make it. I'm… embarrassed."

"I'm sorry dude but… do you really feel bad? Because…"

Lance looked at him with worried eyes, and they were so honest Hunk grunted and smiled him reassuringly.

"Nah it's ok. I said I will help you and I will. Go and give your parents their coffee."

"Just next to you, baby~"

Hunk giggled and they both went close to the couch only to hear Pidge… weird conversation with Lance's parents.

"Yeah so, I have this girl, right? And she keeps telling me she doesn't know what it happened to her computer. Like she says she's one hundred percent sure she doesn't understand why her computer doesn't turn on. She says, this friend looked at it. Before it just kept freezing but now it doesn't turn on, he says he's not sure what happened . Which is weird, right? So I got into it, open up the computer and... there's nothing. Nothing my friends. Like there is nothing in there. He stole everything. That computer barely had any hardware. He probably sold it online or something. Point here, I'm there, trying to think how the frick do I tell this gorgeous blond woman that her friend totally scammed her when she starts speaking about her friend. Big crush, she had the biggest crush on this dude who totally stole her in her face."

"And what did you do?" Robert said with a hand on his mouth, grabbing the coffee and muttering a thanks to Lance, without taking his eyesight out of Pidge. His wife did the same.

"I did what anyone would have done! I replaced everything and sent the ticket to that dude. It wasn't hard to find because she spoke a lot about him."

"Well, that sounds a bit weird but nothing else happened, al menos."

"What? No ma'am you don't understand, that's not the end. You see, apparently he also had a crush on her so they kind of got together? Months later I get this wedding invitation with the scammer sign saying 'Thanks for not snitching on me'. And that's the story of how I did of matchmaking to a terrible, terrible couple".

"And you didn't told her the truth?!"

"How could I? It was very awkward."

Both parents started to laugh loudly. Pidge kept going:

"And honestly, is not the first time I have to keep secret about people doing… questionable things to their significant other/crushes. I tell you, I have this luck, it just keeps happening. And you're like: should I tell the truth? But then when you tell the truth you get into this icky business and everyone starts screaming at you… So I kind of learnt to kept my mouth shut? But yeah, is totally a mess..."

"Oh god… Lance! Why you never spoke more about this young lady? She's is definitely delightful!"

"Wait… " Lance's dad said, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion "you're a woman?"

Lance's mom looked at her husband with disappointment in her eyes.

"She just introduced herself as a girl, weren't you paying attention?"

"That's ok, your son also made that mistake," she said laughing, Lance and his dad looking embarrassed.

"They're just father and son, aren't they?" Lance's mom said with a proud glint in her eyes.

Lance and his dad shared a clueless look, and shrugged. Hunk laughed loudly and they kept talking without much worries.

Hunk almost thought they could definitely do this. After all, Lance's parents were nosy but they weren't the uncomfortable kind of nosy, and answering to their question was actually pretty cool.

He completely forgot the menace that was Keith Kogane.

* * *

*Chismoso= Snitch (more or less).

*¿Y a este qué le pasa? = What's the matter with this guy?

* * *

The rest of the Spanish seems very easy for me, but that's because English is not my first language, Spanish is. If you miss something, let me know! And I take this moment to excuse myself for any grammar/spelling mistakes this writing obviusly has.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

* * *

"Lance and Hunk are not even dating for real. Lance and Hunk are not even dating for real," Keith muffled under his breath when he was trying to walk away his wrath. He even ate something at a coffee shop to ease himself but he was still very much upset, so he kept walking around.

He didn't understand why he was so upset. He knew for a while already that he liked Lance, a lot. He was already gay but every time Lance spoke to him he felt 15% gayer. The numbers were accurate, Pidge did the math.

And it was hard for him because he still wanted to fight him? punch his face? stop him for being such an idiot person and for making him felt in love like that. More than anything, he wanted to yank him on the floor and subdue him.

Both in the mean way and in the gay way.

He was so jealous of anyone who ever spoke to Lance, it was irreal. He was never the jealous type… Sure, he was the jealous type but it was because he didn't like when people touched his things. And he knew Lance was not a thing, he knew it, Lance could do whatever the fuck he wanted but… damn seeing him kissing with Hunk was awful.

He didn't particularly felt anything negative toward Hunk. He did think Hunk should not follow everything Lance does, but he trusted in him and it wasn't like if he was going to fall in love with him just because they were pretending to be boyfriends, right?

His imagination betrayed him.

The day is clear, the wedding was beautiful, everything is crafted Lance's style, meaning flamboyant and over the top for ten, yellow and blue themed. Hunk and Lance are dancing their first married dance, wearing white suits, and they look at each other like their are their entire world. Pidge suddenly stands up, wearing a beautiful black dress and starts a toast:

"I really love the story about how Lance and Hunk started to date each other. After many years, Lance's parents know the story, and I can finally tell it to everyone They're this stupid, listen up. They started fake dating because Lance is a jerk-"

"Shut up Pidge!" Lance screams, his face hidden in Hunk's shoulder, Hunk's hands were on top of his waist.

"You cannot silence the truth. Anyway, it all started that way. But I was there, watching them, slowly moving to greater things. The fake handholding and the fake kisses suddenly weren't so fake. You guys were disgusting, honestly, you never kept that pda to the minimum…" Everyone is laughing, Keith is about to die "But your love was genuine and seeing it turn into romantic love was actually... kind of cool. I hope you guys have a wonderful life together."

Keith is trapped, scared to dead, and apparently no one could see him there, because he is screaming, and no one cares. Everyone starts cheering for the couple and Lance and Hunk kiss one more time.

Keith shook his head, trying to get away of his daydreaming, and he started to run back.

He had to avoid Hunk and Lance falling in love with each other, Lance was _his_. Not in the creepy way, of course. Just in the "don't touch my future husband" way.

The elevator trip didn't do much to calm him down because it was only two floors, so when he reached the door he was still worked-up. He opened the door with his key and he tried to smile a bit, only to find Pidge alone, watching tv on the couch.

"What are you doing? Where is Lance and the rest?"

"Ah well, Lance's parents don't know the city so they went out on a 'double date' or something."

"Where are they?"

That was a… very concerning tone. He was eager to stop this madness and he couldn't , but he could at least… be around… to know what is happening between the two of them.

Pidge stood up, closing the space between them with apprehension.

"Why do you want to know?"

She decided to start there. Maybe she could convince him to stop. Because forcing him was out of the question, he was taller and stronger than her. Damn, she could use some fitness. Maybe she could get to a gym next monday. But then she looked at Rover, her beautiful laptop, and being away of them was going to be a painful, she loved her laptop and-

"Pidge, are you listening to me?"

"Yeah, of course, keep going."

"Anyway…. that's why I have to be with them. Lance and Hunk could fall in love with each other by mistake."

Pidge blinked.

"Repeat that."

"Look. I trust Hunk, I really do. But god do I know, I know that feelings are weird. I mean, liking Lance is a mistake-"

"So you finally admit you like Lance!"

Keith rolled his eyes. "I can't fool myself anymore. I wanted to kill Lance when he was kissing Hunk, and there is no other reason for that. I thought it was only physical but…"

"You have it hard."

"Pidge…"

"I'm sorry, keep going."

"Anyway. They could fall in love by mistake. I don't want that. That's shitty. I have to avoid that."

"You know Hunk has Shay right?"

"And? That shit happens? Oh god, see what Lance is doing? He's going to break my heart and Shay's. Lance, that little fucker. I have to stop him."

"Keith… I want you to think about what you're saying…"

"This things happens Pidge! They start to "fake dating", things start to turn _not fake_ , they get together, and suddenly, it's their wedding day, no one can hear me screaming and you're dressed in a _dress_ , giving a speech about their wonderful relationship."

"I can't allow that Pidge." He crossed his arms, ending his speech with a convincing nod, and the most serious eyes Pidge had ever seen him make.

She was wordless. Honestly, she wasn't sure where to start. _Boi, Keith is reaching_.

Keith was still looking at her intensely, and she didn't know how to answer. She put her hands in a prayer sign, and covered her mouth with them. She tried to speak several times but she kept bringing her hands back to cover her mouth.

"Aren't you going to tell me?!"

Pidge swallowed a laugh. Her face twisted in amusement and she bite her lips before saying:

"I can wear a dress. I like dresses. It's not that big of a deal."

Keith stared at her, and sighed. "You never wear dresses, though."

"Because I never go out to a nice place! I would use a dress in Hunk and Lance's wedding," Keith pouted at hearing that "Though on the other hand I could use a really rad suit. I mean, I'm ok with both, it's just clothes?"

"Pidge..."

"Keith… you have to calm down."

Keith sighed again. "I know."

"Are you going to calm down?"

"No."

Pidge sighed. Everyone was sighing lately. It was Lance's fault. She fixed her glasses and said:

"Look… You want to spy on them? Let's spy on them. But I can assure you, Lance and Hunk aren't going to fall in love with each other and marry! You're… making a big deal about this. He only asked him to be his boyfriend for a few hours. It's not even going to last enough to "become real" or whatever. Fuck!"

Keith pouted again, but he uncrossed his arms.

"You think?"

"I can bet!"

"But… they're very close already and… Lance and I are.. not that close and... "

Pidge uncrossed her arms too, her chest tightening at the confusion in Keith's eyes. She… she knew about Keith's problem with feelings. She felt ashamed of treating him like that. Of course, Keith's past didn't give him a free pass to act like an asshole, but she knew when to comfort one of her friends.

She closed their distance and planned to place a hand on his shoulder, only to find height as a problem. It was going to be an awkward position. She squinted her eyes and aimed to the side of his arm instead, touching him softly, trying to be reassuring.

"C'mon… listen to what you're saying. Are you honestly telling me Hunk would prefer the trainwreck called Lance over her adorable, sweet and intelligent girlfriend? Let's be real".

"Lance is smart … and he can be sweet too..."

"He is! He can! He's still too much of a work, isn't he?"

Keith's eyes sparkled with a "but he's worth it" that made Pidge's heart warmer. And also made her feel weird, what kind of awful cheesy fest was that? Coughing a bit, she started to wonder if it was time to take her hand out of Keith, who was still smiling to himself, looking at the floor.

"I think you're right…"

"You see? problem solved." She patted him, and then she made her way to the couch.

"But you still haven't told me where they are."

She was mid-way sitting when she raised again."What? I thought we left clear Lance and Hunk are not going to fall in love with each other."

" _We say that_ , but I still want to check."

"You're impossible Keith! I won't tell you." She threw herself on the couch, crossing her arms and legs.

Keith didn't like to upset Pidge. He admired Pidge too much for that, out of those three, she was the most intelligent and the most level-headed, which it was a contrast to his own personality. He didn't want to look like a jerk in front of her.

On the other hand, his stomach wasn't stopping to swirl with jealousy and if Lance and Hunk were going to be touching and pretending to be a couple well they were going to do it right in front of his face.

"I'll clean your shop! All your shop. And your place too! If you tell me where they are."

Pidge looked at him to see, once again, the most serious expression in his face. She huffed, stood up, grabbed her keys and her backpack and directed to the door.

"I can't believe you're making me go to to the city center dressed like this! You owe me one, Keith. And you don't even know how to clean electronics!"

"I'll learn. But wait, why are you coming?"

She pointed at him. "If I leave you alone you're gonna cause a mess! Who knows what you'll be doing like that. I'll go with you."

"Thanks Pidge, I appreciate this."

"Yeah yeah, shut up."

* * *

Pidge didn't dislike Keith's motorcycle. It was actually fun. But she was terrified of accidents, and motorcycles were dangerous! Especially at the speed Keith was driving! She hugged him hard, cutting his breath, but she couldn't care less because she thought they were going to crash something.

"Are you ok, Pidge?" Keith screamed, and she nodded frantically before realizing she would probably have to scream too.

"Yeah just… could you-" Keith turned around and she had to hold him harder "go slower?"

"I'm in a good speed. Relax Pidge, I'm being careful. We're not gonna crash, trust me."

His voice was oddly calming, even when he was shouting. Pidge tried to breath, and when she raised her head, she realized she was overreacting. The city _was_ beautiful after all, and being with Keith was fun. She tried to forget why they were hanging out together, because she didn't want to ruin her mood. She laughed at the wind in her face, and Keith smiled when he heard her.

"Keith… is your bike supposed to sound like that?"

"It's fine, do not worry."

Pidge let it slide. They arrived quickly, but Pidge had no idea where they went, and she said so when they were parking the bike.

"Lance said something about movies… maybe, but I think they just came to hang around..."

He rolled his eyes. That sounded so Lance. Specially the part about knowing the city by going to the movie theater. He shook his head. They decided to take a trip around and look at Lance's favorite places (and maybe even Hunk's).

Keith wondered how _Lance_ Lance's family was. He grew up alone, with many many other children he spent his adulthood trying to forget, and he wasn't sure if people were supposed to be much like their other family members. Pidge and Matt were similar, they even looked like each other. Both were obsessed with memes and birds too, he thought while glancing at her.

But then he saw Allura and Coran and while they were similar in some aspects, as in that both were very loud, there were differences. He wasn't sure if he could call this people his family, or Shiro.

Shiro and him were similar, he supposed. He had years knowing Shiro, after all, they met when he was a teen and Shiro was doing some obligatory service in order to graduate. He never really listened to Shiro's advices, although he should, but he never wanted that therapy in the first place. He did follow an advice once, but that was many many years after that, and they weren't patient and therapist anymore, but friends. He told him that he knew the perfect people of his age, for he was a young man who had to spend more time with people of his age, or something like that.

He liked his friends, even Lance. Everyone was wonderful.

Still, he longed to know how family members were supposed to be with each other. How they resemble each other. Lance had a big family. Not everyone in his family could be a Lance, right? He wanted… He would be happy to know more about that, that's it.

"Keith… are you ok?"

"Yeah, I'm perfect... We could go to that ice cream shop Lance loves so much."

"Wait a minute my phone is vibrating… never mind, I have like twenty of this. Man, I have to go to pokemon hunt seriously, this is not going well."

"Pidge, focus! Let's go" He said, grabbing her by her wrist.

They were indeed there. Keith was going to get much more closer when Pidge placed her arm on his chest to stop him.

"Have you never spied someone? Look, have this."

She handed him a pair of sunglasses and a hat, and had a pair for herself too.

"Why do you even have this? Have you ever spied someone?"

"A lady doesn't share her secrets. Now, be discreet!"

They sat in a bench that it almost looked to be perfectly designed to spy on the ice cream shop. Said shop was very adorable, comfy and rainbow colored, and it had some tables for the customer, one of them with their victims.

He didn't really understand why Lance liked the shop so much, the ice cream was nice but that's it. Well, considering he worked with children, it was fitting. He liked cute and comfy things.

Keith still insisted the ice cream of the shop close to his house was better, it had a a more delicious creamy ice cream. But did Lance ever listened to him? Of course not, he never did.

Lance and Hunk didn't look different than usual, they were sitting together but they weren't acting "like a couple", and they were all talking normally. Lance's father was very expressive when he spoke, and he could hear him sometimes at that distance. Pidge giggled and Keith smiled back. Lance's mom was calmer but equally expressive, and everyone was laughing.

He ignored the ache on his chest. Lance looked so happy, he never saw him smiling like that. It was weird, Lance sometimes complained about how much pression his parents put into his and his siblings' shoulders, but apparently he still loved them very much.

He stopped his musings when he observed Lance playing with Hunk's hand on the table. His stomach did some kind of flip, and he did a sound that made Pidge brace herself for the worst.

* * *

"He didn't do that! Lance! I can't believe it!"

"He did. I was very mad with him, but proud at the same time. It was wrong that he fighted with that kid, but I was very proud he defended his older sister like that," Robert said with a big smile, his eyes sparkling.

"She could defend herself though. It was just, that kid was being very rude with her!"

"In the end we couldn't bring ourselves to punish him," Lance's mom said with a smile.

"I never saw Lance as the type who would defend his sisters like that, but it does have sense".

"Hey, how can you even doubt my chivalry?" Lance said, winking, placing his hand on top of Hunk's.

Hunk started to sweat, but he tried to convey a smile.

"Just remember Lance, we're your parents. We don't have only nice stories about you" Mercedes said, winking,

The three laughed at Lance, who after a few blinks, joined them. They had to fight with laughter for a while, that kind of contagious laughter that doesn't really come from anywhere, that you have when you're having a really good time.

It was very easy to feel that way with Lance and his parents, Hunk could say.

"At least you're now dressed decent. Honestly, why people of your age are all so sloppy?" Mercedes scolded.

Lance was able to put some pants and a jacket before leaving the house. He was on vacation! And he told them so. They both rolled their eyes.

"Well… Hunk was actually dressed decent, which is weird for a young person. Good," Lance's dad said, giving him a thumbs up.

Hunk blushed, unsure on how to respond, and laughter kept coming and going with the three of them. He was still a bit nervous about Lance holding his hand. Specially because he was pretty sure those two persons hiding were Keith and Pidge.

Mercedes asked Robert in Spanish if he wanted to go with her for more ice cream and they both stood up. Lance looked at them go with a smile, and he turned to Hunk.

"We're doing fine! They totally love you if they told you that story. They usually tell the embarrassing ones… They already threatened with that though. And they even complimented on how you're dressed! This is good."

"Yeah, Lance that's cool but could you please not hold my hand like that?"

"Why?" He furrowed his eyebrows "We have kissed and everything. Are you uncomfortable because of my parents? Because trust me, my dad's homophobic side has been washed away with the years, not that any of us pay him much attention, and mom really doesn't care."

"It's not that! It's just… Keith and Pidge are here."

"What? Where? Where is Keith?" Lance said, searching from them. Hunk pointed him the place and he squinted. Both Pidge and Keith looked away, pretending to be someone else.

"Damn. Why are they here? What's the fucking problem with Keith?!"

"What's the matter, nene?"

"Nothing mom! Anyway… after this, want to see a movie?"

Lance's mom was too busy having a mind freeze because of her ice cream so her husband talked for her.

"Yes, we could… what about… the one with the four ladies, that one seems good"

"I'm fine with whatever," Mercedes answered now that she was better, her husband placed a reassuring hand on her back.

"That settles it!" Lance shouted.

Keith and Pidge were still pretending not looking at them, but Lance and Hunk were aware of the hate emanating from the guy. When Lance's parents ended their sweets they tried to move quickly.

"We already watched that movie though," Hunk said, trying to be aware of the spies' presence. They were totally still following them.

"Ah, it doesn't matter. The point here is losing those losers."


End file.
